All Aboard the Failtrain! // VOID-STAR.NET

Oh. Mygod. Why does this shit always happen to me? And — more importantly — why does it always happen all at once?

Okay, so here’s the deal. My parents have snuck off interstate overnight and as always when this happens it’s my duty to feed the monsters cats. So I stop around after work today and un-deadbolt the front door, and race off to disarm the alarm before the requisite minute is up. Except, fuck! The internal door is deadbolted, too, and I can’t get to the—

Queue ear-piercing scream.

So I spend a minute or two out on the street looking kinda bummed out because I think my key doesn’t open the door to get to the alarm’s control panel. I call dad, and he tells me it should work, and I brave the noise in the house again to go check. Sure enough, it opens and I turn the fucking thing off… just in time to miss the phonecall from the security company checking for false alarms. So another call back to dad to get that sorted out, then I go do my duty and feed Eli and Ves.

About half an hour passes. I pat the cats and say goodbye and re-deadbolt up the house and get into my car and— what’s that weird smell? And, more importantly, why isn’t my fucking car starting?

I get out of my car and walk around the outside and, uhh, what’s all this clear liquid dripping from the underside? Tell me that’s not petrol.

Oh. Fuck.

So I call the NRMA. “Hi, my car won’t start and I think I’ve got a punctured petrol tank.”

“Did you know your membership expired last November?”

“… shit.”

This must happen a lot, though, because the woman lets me read out my credit card details over the phone and says someone will be out in an hour or so. Great, says I, and we have a small debate over whether or not to call the fire brigade (how volatile is petrol, anyway?). I decide no, since there wasn’t that much, and then hang up and ring dad.

“Guess what, dad?”

Upon re-inspection, the puddle under the car had already evaporated (so, probably petrol, right?). The smell was still lingering, so I hosed the area down to try and avoid fires or whatever, then give Mat a guess-why-I’m-coming-home-late call.

The it’s time to re-brave the deadlocks and alarm on the house again (I made it back in this time with no more screeching), so I can have somewhere warm and safe (and full of cats) to wait out the mechanic guy.

Fucking. Wonderful.

Oh well. At least it’s a good opportunity to read Soon I Will Be Invincible some more.