Garden 00
So you remember how when we moved into our house at the end of last year the garden was pretty much a wasteland? Well, in the intervening months it’s gone through one long, torturous summer that killed off most of the stuff that was stuck in just for the sale (including a whole row of about seven camellias — some of them quite mature — root-bound and improperly planted). Anyway, now that it’s autumn, mum has decided it’s time to teach her wayward daughter the fine art of gardening, so for the last couple of weekends we’ve been out in the yard digging holes, planting trees and laying down mulch. Mat, as it turns out, loathes gardening but nevertheless finds himself co-opted for his big beefy arms whenever we need a hole dug. But for me and mum it’s just fun, so every Sunday we go out to CSG, grab a trailer load of eucalyptus chips ($36), maybe drop by a nursery, and spend the rest of the afternoon planting and mulching.
Garden 01
We’ve thus far planted eight trees — three Euky Dwarfs,i one silk tree, three silver birches, a lilac and a bay tree — mulched all the lower garden beds and half-mulched the lower lawn area. We’ve also laid down a drip hose thing (legal under the water restrictions, according to mum) which apparently works because when I dug holes for my violets last weekend the soil underneath — which usually alternates between dust-dry grey sand and rock-hard red clay — was actually moist. I was shocked. Some of the remaining garden plants — the ones that actually survived the murderous summer — were actually showing evidence of new growth, and I even found a worm. So a four weekends of gardening is apparently starting to pay off.
Black Pansy
Anyway, so we were wandering around The Garden at Coolo the other weekend and I saw a small punnet of what had to be the absolute coolest thing in the entire universe: black pansies. I was all like, “Flowers come in black?” Because, like, that’s totally the coolest thing in the entire universe bar none! I walked out with my punnet and a bag full of Dutch iris bulbs. Mum was all keen on getting a mix of irises and daffodils, and I always used to really like daffodils but… they were all so yellow. So… cheerful.
My Gloomy Flowers
Which is when I decided what I really wanted to do with my garden. It was going to be lush and green and the motherfucking gloomiest thing on the street. I’d always been terribly scornful of flowers, but now that I realised they came in black it was like a whole new world opening up. My garden would be black and purple and royal blue, with maybe a hint of white and fiery red. Absolutely no pink, and orange and yellow only on special dispensation (like, a bed of black and yellow pansies would be cool). As if that wouldn’t be the most awesome thing in the universe? So I’ve been picking up the gloomiest motherfucking flowers I can find, wherever I can find them; black violets and agapanthus, so far, though I’ve got some ideas for others. Plus herbs. No goth as fuck garden could possibly be complete without herbs, right?
It’s gonna be great, seriously.
So long as the motherfucking locusts stop eating my trees. Wrath of God, srsly.
- No, seriously; that’s what they’re called. They’re a type of gum tree, and yes, I call them “yucky dwarves” too. For the Horde! ↩